I’ve woken up and it’s just past midnight. Almost immediately, my thoughts take a mis-step. The nose dive results in a surge of anxiety. A sense of panic wells up threatening to overtake everything! I’ve been sucked into the vortex of a negative spin zone.
There’s only one Safe Place to run to at a time like this! Shoving the covers aside, pushing myself up and out of bed; I hastily don my robe and make a bee line for the prayer chair! In the deep shadowy void of the next room over I grope along the wall to flip on the light switch, desperate for a visual reminder that light does overcome darkness.
The sight helps slow spiraling thoughts…what a relief! Heartened by the soft radiance, I find it easier to breathe. Feeling a little less shaky, now, to the kitchen faucet I step; adding some water to the tea kettle, I press the button and wait. Across the room the lights beckon, so I walk closer to draw near to them, looking forward to the comfort of the tea that will soon be brewing.
I’ve been grappling with an odd sort of season. The pot beeps it’s ready so I return to the kitchen. Walking towards the cupboard, I remember the tea my daughter made and gifted to me last Christmas.
I ponder its medicinal values as I tip out and pour steaming hot water over a freshly filled tea bag.
Composing a quick text to thank her again for her gift, I press ‘send’, hoping her phone’s been silenced. When settling myself down for a little heart-to-Heart with GOD, I find my thoughts in a jam and gnarled up tight.
Yikes!
Holy Spirit, I know that You’re with me; although I can’t sense that right now, would You please help me?
Glancing over at the nearby coffee table, I reach for a gift a friend gave me at church.
Thank You, LORD, for each gift as it is; for what’s piping hot in my cup and brand new in my hand. The dark makes me appreciate the light all the more! Thank You for surrounding me with all sorts of encouragements! Thank You for this remembered verse:
“Where can I go to escape Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning and settle in the furthest limits of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me fast.” Psalm 139:7-10
“If I say, “Surely the darkness shall overtake me and the light around me become like night”, even the darkness is not dark to You. The night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to You.” Psalm 139:7-12
How grateful I am for the collective benefit right now! We aren’t meant to go it alone! You so faithfully provide!
Hours pass as I quietly talk to God while wandering amongst fields of wildflowers, seeking His heart and thoughts.
The many thoughtful perspectives presented provide a variety of touch points and helpful questions that gently guide me back to the basics. They prove to be a tremendous help as I consider a growing number of specifics. What a blessing to be able to examine them more closely… and to be honest with myself. This in turn shapes a more transparent conversation with GOD. I hadn’t realized all the weight that had been adding up! Doubt and fear have been major culprits!
Incrementally, frustration’s been building up; keeping counsel with some anger issues, cleverly disguised. Not the explosive kind but the silent and deadly sort. The kind that lurks within the shadows of a hurting heart. It’s a dangerous time when such elements converge! A hazard to trust that ends in an icing over. A frozen condition, or ‘hardening’ of the heart, is when one can’t hear or see or sense the presence of God!
A picture colored a good while back. It’s been a long time since I last opened the Happy Color App. An appropriate plug in as I sit here and think about that.
As I faced a number of losses I’d begun to question. …Have You really got this God? …Do you really have me?
I ought to know better than to entertain these questions but I find I’m so vulnerable in the things I experience and their play on my emotions…some of which occur so deftly I’m not even aware of them!
In this book I now hold on my lap, I read this quote by CS. Lewis. “No one ever told me that grief so felt like fear.” (From his book, ‘A Grief Observed’)
The fiery darts of the enemy penetrated when they landed! Grief over loss. Then Worry. And Fear. Over things I certainly can’t control, foresee or change. The strategies of old came against me and You began to feel so very far away!
I bemoan the distraction of Dread that began to squeeze as Doubt stuck its big nose in and Disappointment howled and clanked its chains. Despair snuck in, sprayed obscene graffiti on my crumbling walls. Now in the still of the night You’ve found me here hiding, having never lost track of me or anything else at all!
Thank You, GOD, for showing such Mercy and Compassion! The song and sounds of Forgiveness and Grace have broken up the rampage! In the midst of my freezing over, You came to visit and share this lovely bouquet of Wildflowers!
🎵 In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making new wine
In the soil
I now surrender
You are breaking new ground
So I yield to You
into Your careful hand
When I trust you
I don’t need to understand 🎶
🎵 Make me Your vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever
You want me to be
I came here with nothing
But all You have given me
Jesus bring new wine out of me 🎶
Place Your Seal be upon these lips; sanction a Guard about this heart! Thank You for bringing such comfort in my grief…both over what is…and what is not! Grant there be peace; rest from strife, self-efforts cease! Soothe the harm done by confusing messages! Break up the thick ice! Heal the deep things that got cut! Restore intimacy in our Relationship! Help me relax a bit more! Establish a strengthened trust!
Light does overcomes darkness; darkness doesn’t stand a chance!
🎤 ‘Cause where there is new wine
There is new power
There is new freedom
And the Kingdom is here
I lay down my old flames
to carry Your new fire today 🎶
Golden Net of prayer time given, be cast upon the air waves gently. Cover those who might also be struggling. We all need and desire to see more of You, Jesus. That in a frosty world…whether inside or out…
…we can thrive like the wildflowers do…season in and season out!
In Jesus’ precious name I pray…thank You, LORD, for this brand new day. So much more is yet to come, not just for me but each and every one!
“I’ll keep coming closer and closer to you, Lord YAHWEH, for Your name is good to me. I’ll keep telling the world of Your awesome works, my faithful and glorious GOD!” Psalms 73:28 TPT
Amen.
“How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O GOD! How vast the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.” Psalms 139:17-18 NASB1995
* Lyrics shared are from ‘New Wine’ by Hillsong
** A note of deep gratitude for the gifts of Ruth Chou Simmons. Thank you, Teresa, for this book. As you can see it really means a lot!
*** Thank you, Kayla, for putting together this lovely tea! I appreciate you so very much!